Having slept quite a lot recently, I feel better. I ham wary of oversleeping due to (because of? I really must read more grammars) my prior depressive episodes.
It turns out that I am just fatigued. This will not be a bemoaning post though. I truly enjoy work even if it be not the work I wish to do. There is very few experiences as pleasant as doing work. Maybe it is the Pentecostal work ethic that my family ingrained in me, or the millennia of peasants in my blood: we work so that we can relax.
I have forgotten to relax, though. I am reading veraciously — not voraciously though –, and I am aware of the words speaking truths. This is taxing in its own right.
So, what is rest? What is moderation of work? What is the ideal life for me?
If rest be important, I need to define it. Is it the routine of leg day, arm day, and the ilk of people far more carnal than I? I envy those who follow physical pursuits. I could perchance learn a few things from them.
Moderation is key to a myriad of cultures’ ideal. Grecian-based philosophers love to tote Socratic ideas on moderation. Roman based ones tote Stoicism. Chinese have Taoism. Germanic tribes have enormous sagas — my next reading challenge will be to read all of them, but my current one to be revealed in April needs must finish first –.
The ideal life for me seems to be a rotation of ideals. I want to be everything. To a modern Abrahamic view, this must sound arrogant, or mad. I disagree fully. I want to wake up to be able — why does ‘can’ not have an infinitive? — to chop wood for a fire place, and then slap a pair of stiletto heels to dance in. I want to know every plant’s medicinal, and mystical properties, and be able to throw a meal together.
I just want to be as aware as it seems the world is.
I may be ruminating in commonly held desires of humans to live, but sleeping has ignited a desire to be awake.
There is an album which haunts me from my childhood Amplified Heart by Everything but the Girl. One may remember/have heard the song ‘Missing’ from it; however, the whole album has the early 90s conversational tone, and intimacy lost in contemporary music. Though, in balance, we have gained a polish previously denied. I recommend one sit in the dark save a candle, lamp, or the like to listen to the album. It helps clarify the mind. I, admittedly, sound like the 60s-70s rock fanatics who did that with their records.
So, I apologise for the rambling, but I do hope all is well.
Be safe. Be loved.