Tea: Lemon peel and garlic infusion…I am sick — again —.
Song: ‘Hunger’ – Florence + The Machine I eagerly await their next album. I have a countdown — 24 days —.
Warning: I use the present subjunctive a lot in this post: it sounds awkward to most modern dialects. I regret nothing.
I have recently been in fever dreams which are, bizarrely, my favourite dreams. They have a truth to them that others lack as a brain is fighting for survival. One can find a lot about oneself from fever-dreams. On top of that, roommate drama — the heterosexual couple has split up leaving the fag-hag, and the gay couple in some awkward mess. It is part of life, though. I place no blame where it is not needed. — has driven me to work longer than my body wanted. I am off though, so I am going to try to divulge two weeks of action for you.
We paid the first month on a new apartment. I will be located near Houston, then. I am transferring to another restaurant there, so I will still be serving/bar-tending; however, I hope to be making more tips. I hope to pay off my last 1 500 before I can go back for my master’s. So, if anyone is feeling like getting good karma, I am an open recipient. Jokes aside, it should not take too long. I am looking forward to having a community again. I do hope, though, that I connect with a Germanic Pagan community whilst there. The gay community, and I have a few contact since I have been to the gays bars there. I even kissed Alyssa Edward’s feet in honour — I told you that I am that weirdo, right? —. I think, therefore, that I will be comfortable there even if I be not a Texan gay.
Work has been busy with graduations: the families wanted to celebrate, naturally, and went out to eat. They pay my bills, so I am not complaining by any means. I just have a habit of picking up shift a week in advance, and then realising that I have to work them. Love life has been amazing — boyfriend had a birthday —, and I am preparing some outlines for my projects which I discussed in a previous post.
Now, on to that which I really want to ruminate: fever dreams. Am I the only one who likes them? I love that they are realer than lucid dreams even. If a lucid dream be a painting, it would be a Van Gogh:
It has colour. It represents, and exists as something. That is a lucid dream. One can control it, and experience life/death/emotion within that dream.
Fever dreams, though, are a different beast. If a fever dream be a painting, it would be Rembrandt.
The dreams have been amazingly forward. I once dreamt that I was fighting for a cause against all odds. Empowerment is quite the issue with me. I have felt ‘disenfranchised’ from day one. I prefer the term ‘unempowered’: it reminds me of ‘unemployed’ which can always be fixed by finding employment whereas ‘disenfranchised’ makes it sound like a ‘franchise’/chain-restaurant. I have fought that image for years now in my personal life.
In other news, my father did AncestryDNA. I plan on doing 23andme for my 30th in a few weeks. According to a screenshot he sent, this is his (so half them for some of my background):
I have two ‘concerns’ about this. I was terrified that I would have no Germanic blood as that is a cornerstone of my identity, and ancestor-worship. I, also, do not like being called Caucasian as I am not from the Caucasus…surprise though. I do have a few drops of Caucasian blood. It is pretty awesome either way. I will post mine when I do it. I am just surprised how British Isle-heavy that side is. I am at least 32% British according to this. I was only aware of German/Dutch ancestry on that side, but alas, this erases any issue anyone should have with my kilt-wearing/tunic-wearing ways. This also means that — if my mother’s side is true — I have Jew on both sides even if it be just a bissel, I am kvelling like no other.
I am going to get off of here. I will try to record more of my dreams as I fade in, and out of healthiness. Be well. Drink some tea.
Follow Florence Welch, and listen to the new singles. Seriously, they are going on the pagan playlist.